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Moyerstuff Blog

Up until recently we had someone

checking on her sil would never be suspect of reporting back to us, but now if they move… or have moved I’ve not had a report on dmil’s physical condition in aobut two weeks. I need to contact my ‘snitch” and have him check on her. We may have to go the legal route if we lose that contact. So far she seems to be doing no physical harm to dmil. If she ever did I’d have the law there faster than you can say COPS! But she’s smarter than that. She doesn’t want to “kill the golden goose” so to speak.

That is an EXCELLENT idea

You have no idea how devious this sil is. I’ve been dealing with her for 40 years and it’s been a headache about that long, but it’s been getting worse lately.
The only one in all this that is important is dmil. She MUST be protected and taken care of. Bless her heart I bet she’s not even aware all this is going on. Why else would sil refuse to put her on the phone with the broker this morning?

She pushes us and that is exactly where she’s headed

I’ve been gathering evidence against her for 18 months and am getting a pretty large stack. Dh wants to talk to his mother and makes certain she is physically ok, but we aren’t even certain where they are living now. Right now we are waiting for her to make her next move. Legally she can’t touch the money. If she does then she’ll find out real quick that those bright orange jumpsuits don’t look good with her dyed red hair.

There are two reasons we won’t let the sil be there:

1) When she is there and dmil is asked a question, she won’t answer until she looks to sil to get a clue as to how to answer. We need to know what dmil truly wants/needs.
2) Sil is the type of person who will take anything you say and twist it into an unrecognizable lie and then spread it as far as the internet travels. We will not give her any ammo to use against us.
So for all you folks who are thinking about helping out a family member financially, re-read this and know “no good deed goes unpunished” and this saga could easily be yours, because we, like you, never dreamed that taking care of family would end up in such a mess. We took care of dmil out of love, we are respecting her wishes out of love and we will continue to protect her future to the best of our ability for the same reason.
It’s still snowing heavily over 2 ½ hours later, and the day rolls on. With all the snow being so big and wet we’ll have dead trees hitting the ground today I am certain. There is nothing to do but let it happen. Hopefully they’ll do no harm when they fall.
Hopefully sil will give up her efforts to steal the money, just this once. –doubtful.
Hopefully the snowplows will be successful and the guys will be able to get home easily. In the meantime, I’m going to make me a cup of hot chai and get about the business of daily chores.

This latest stunt goes hand in hand

with the over $10,000 spent by sil in 3 weeks on a charge card that I had closed and she re-opened in dmil’s name—don’t’ ask how we know this, but we have the documented proof of it. Dmil cannot be legally signing any paperwork due to her mental problems and sil knows this too. But she’s doing all she can as fast as she can before dmil dies. Including cashing out a life insurance policy last year that was purchased in 1992 without dh’s knowledge by his parents that was payable to dh. We were later told about it and dh and I made the premium payments on it for the 13 years after dfil died to use it as part of dmil’s burial money. It is now gone, they (sil and her daughter) used a POA to illegally cash it, dmil did not request the cancellation and I only found out when they didn’t autodraft our account for the premium. The check was not even made out to dmil, it was made out to my niece. It seems she has the POA because sil cannot legally qualify for one. Which makes us wonder which of them is actually dmil’s rep payee.
We have not, as yet heard a word from dh’s youngest sister, she will try every way possible to get that money without letting us know she’s trying first. That is how she works, she sneaks around, lies and tries every thing she can other than just be honest. Then it will be a text—“call me about Mom.” She never calls, she always texts and demands the other person call her so she can be “in charge.” Which unless she includes a phone number we can’t do because she changed her phone number to keep dh and dbil from talking to their mother in Nov 2011. A text will not be responded to because we know what the subject will be about and because of what we did when this all started getting so bad.
In Nov 2011 we sent a series of certified letters to all three siblings and each letter stated a couple of things 1) All communications involving dmil’s finances were to be submitted in writing via US Mail to dh 2) That we would no longer be paying any debt incurred by dmil or sil. Each of the siblings signed for the letters themselves. They were legally notified, as were all of dmil’s creditors at that point. We were never legally responsible for her debts because we never signed on any of them—the one smart thing we did do in this whole mess, but we sent the letters to the creditors just in case. So glad we did.
So when, if the sil contacts us it must be in writing, and we will not respond to any other form of communication. This is for both my mil’s and our protection. And before you ask, yes we do have a lawyer and we will use him if the need arises. Dh will respond that he wants to speak with his mother alone. Something sil has refused to let him do since her last sneak attack 18 months ago. He will likely ask his brother to be present too. I know I’ll be there.

The broker explained all the different options in detail

to my mil and she told him point blank that dh was the only name she wanted on the account because he was the only one of her children who had never taken money from her even when they(her and dfil) offered it. That in fact she owed him heavily for spending his hazardous duty pay he sent home from Viet Nam instead of putting it in the savings for his Jaguar like he had requested. Plus thanks to him paying her for the truck and trailer he was suppose inherit out right she had been able to just barely stay afloat while waiting for the sale of her home. That dh had always taken care of her and his father. She trusted dh to continue to do so until her death, she could not say that for her other three children.

The broker explained that if she did it the way she was requesting that she would have to have dh’s permission to withdraw money from the account. She said that was fine because she knew that he would let her only withdraw it in case of a true emergency and that was what she wanted. He also told her that at her death any money in the account would automatically go directly to dh and none of the other kids would receive a single penny of it. She said again that was what she wanted. He went through each of the other three kids, grand kids, and great grand kids and asked her point blank if she wanted each one to have any of the money. She said no. When he got to the youngest she was very firm in her no and added “No she’s bled me dry all her life, it’s time she stood on her own two feet.” This is the sil that tried to go behind everyone’s back (again) today.

Dmil is right, dh and I will make sure that if she has a true emergency she would be taken care of, but buying the sil a house is NOT an emergency. In fact it could make life so complicated for all of us when dmil, who is 85, passed because it would put us all in probate court ( the joint tenancy will not because it is with right of survivorship) and that would be a long drawn out expensive process . Considering this sil has had two trailer houses repoed, along with numerous cars, and has filed bankruptcy more than once. they would have to be using the excellent credit rating dh and I have worked so hard to establish for dmil over the last six years to get the house. Even at that they will probably need the insurance that starts with a p (PMI I think). If dmil’s name is on any real property when she dies then the estate would have to be probated and that could get very expensive. Dh and I had worked to get all real property out of dmil’s name a long time ago to avoid this. Sil KNOWS this because we set her down and explained it to her in detail when she wanted to do this in the summer of 2010 and we said no. I have handled 7 estates, I KNOW how expensive this can be.

The second

He got off the phone with her he called me and told me that the event we had figured was coming sooner or later had just happened and asked if we knew she was going to call. I told him we did not that we’d had not one word from them since November 5, 2011. Which is the truth.
He then asked if we knew they were buying a house. I told him no, but it explained the recent high dollar credit card activity under dmil’s name. That we had in fact refused in the summer of 2010 to let the sil have the money to purchase a house because of several legal problems it would create. He asked me then if dh would give his permission for the account to be closed. I replied no that the money was, as he already knew, for a true emergency for dmil and buying sil a house was NOT an emergency. He said that’s what he thought and made note in the file that the stocks, mutual funds and bonds were NOT to be sold until he received both a telephone call and verification in writing from dh that he had agreed to it.
Background on this money. My dfil died in January 1999, leaving my dmil with a small life insurance policy that barely buried him and a huge mountain of cc debit (they each had two wallets full of maxed out cc and none of them were the same account). Their trailer house and land was heavily mortgaged and dmil was unable to afford the utilities and upkeep on it because she would no longer have dfil paycheck (he was still working at age 77) and his social security check. She sold it that summer.
Upon the recommendation of 3 of the 4 kids (guess who fought us every inch of the way) dmil put what was leftover of the sale into the brokerage account. At that time the broker told her she could put whoever she wanted on the account in whatever manner she wanted—I was there, but dh was not. The other three kids were knowledgeable that we were going to the broker, but couldn’t be bothered to go along.

When we went to bed last night

we knew that we were on the outer band of the big winter front that would be moving through last night and we could get one of four things 1) Rain, 2) Sleet, 3) Snow or my preferred 4) nothing at all.
At 6:00 am nothing had fallen so we thought we’d got option #4—YES! I went back to bed and the guys went off to work—after discovering one of our old cats had been accidentally left outdoors all night—we all thought that 4 pound calico was in the house. Luckily Liz is OK but her little hooded brow is really angry with us—It was below freezing last night. Hopefully she slept in the heated sunroom with the dogs, she comes and goes via the doggie door out there all the time.
At 8:15 am my phone rang, as I opened my eyes I looked out the bedroom window to see near blizzard conditions—option #3 had hit, but that is still better than sleet/ice.
I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID and thinking it was a mystery shopping company calling to beg me to do a last minute shop—the answer would have been a definite NO– I answered the phone.
It was our broker, and the news was not good, but it was something we’ve been expecting for a long time. THE sil had contacted him at 8:00 am—when she thought they had just opened and identified herself to the broker then demanded he sell everything in the joint tenancy account between my dmil and my dh. She informed him that they were buying a house and that dmil was giving her the nearly $14,000 in the account. He let her babble on a bit and then answered with one word “NO.”
He said she got angry—this sil doesn’t take that word well at all—and told him it was her mother’s money and she could do what she wanted with it. Bless the broker’s heart he let her go on a bit (he’d been warned this call would come some day, we didn’t know it would be for a house we just knew that sil’s greed would take her to attempt the theft at some point and was prepared). Once she got through venting he told her that he didn’t care what type of paperwork sil claimed she had she did not have any rights where this account was concerned and that without him speaking to both dmil and dh directly not a penny was leaving that account. She amazingly enough would not put dmil on the phone. Further proof she is going behind everyone’s back. He told her to have dmil contact dh and then if the two of them agreed to it then the transaction would take place once he had been legally notified by both parties both by phone and by written confirmation, but not before then. He said she hung up quite pissed off.

The only phone in the house is sil’s cell phone

which she keeps glued to her and when she lets dmil on it she stands right at her shoulder and tells her what to say.
Dh’s 65 birthday is Monday, but I doubt he’ll get a call from her. Sil won’t allow it.
Once there is actual communication between sil –who will keep trying to get the money—he is going to demand to see his mother ALONE. Well not really alone, I will be there and maybe dbil and the good dsil. But no bad sil allowed. If this is refused then we will look at other options.
No money is going to the sil no matter what. Even if we do have to finally call the cops on her. Which I was ready to do over a year ago. I’ve contacted my snitch and he’s going to try and think of a reason to go see dmil that won’t be too suspicious with all that is going on. At least I know he’ll report honestly to me.

Crash and burn into a brick wall for certain

There is the over $10,000 she’s spent in three weeks on cc that will show up on credit reports soon and that is going to hurt their chances that much more. If one of the cc calls me I will tell them that they need to check into identity theft, because dmil doesn’t drive, has no car she could legally drive, has no driver’s license, she is computer inept, and she does not know how to operate a cell phone and there is no land line in the home. So the charges cannot possibly be her. Not to mention her mental condition.

Yeppers, sil is about to become cheetah food.

Just as soon as I figure out where dmil is

The last time we tried to see her we were informed by my niece that she was in KS with the other sil. Seems like she’s in KS a lot. So is this house even in OK?

My suspicions too

I wonder if SIL thought she could waltz out of the bank with that money in hand, and go spend it on fun stuff. Like she’s apparently been doing with her cc’s for awhile now. With ever-more-stringent loan conditions, no mortgage lender could hope to approve a loan for your mom without having already checked into this stuff and seen that not everything is, as it appears to be. I think I hear a faint “tick tock tick tock” on SIL’s money romp coming to an end.

I just got a copy of the text

Remember this is from a blocked number:

“1/2You need to call (broker name was here) and tell him to let mom have HER money..she has bought a house and needs it for a down payment immediately. Have him call m

2/2om at this number when it is ready to be picked up.”

So dh isn’t even allowed to speak to his mother about it? I don’t think so. Especially since the money legally belongs to dh.

Text messages don’t hold up in all courts…

I knew a girls who tried to say her baby daddy was verbally abusive to her and she tried to use the text messages and the judge basically told her that there wasn’t enough proof to say “he” was the one that sent them or someone using his phone…I never did believe her as I’ve always seen her as the aggressor

Our thoughts exactly

Can you imagine any bank/credit union or whatever giving a 30 year mortgage to an 85 year old woman who is over line on her credit cards? Who just six years ago owed $750 more per month to pay just her minimums than her income was? Who in one month alone had over $1,000 in hot check fees. Seriously? When her only source of income is ss and that you can not garnish? Because you know sil is not about to think far enough ahead to get a 15 year note and the fact she refers to it as a down payment means they are trying to get a mortgage. NowGuaranteed.Com – guaranteed payday loan online with no teletrack needed!! But hey, if they can’t get the mortgage then she has all that money to spend anyway she likes right? Which I believe is her actual plan. I know of more than once she would tell dmil her trailer was being repoed and dmil would give her $1,000 or so to stop it from happening and then the next day sil would have a new computer, or washer, or whatever.

More likely sil has gone to some sort of loan shark to get high interest loan in her name and is having dmil co-sign. Then as soon as closing is done she thinks she’ll get off scott free if dmil dies. I imagine the money they’ve taken out on the cc is their earnest money and guess what they are going to lose that, because they are not getting that brokerage account. Buying a house is NOT an emergency. That money is for an emergency plain and simple, nothing else.

This is typical of this sil though. She decides she wants something and she will sneak around trying to get it. When the excrement hits the wind moving device she then finds someone else to blame for the problem. Dh says the text is her way of setting us up to be the “bad guy” in this. Unfortunately for her, this is not how the law will see it. We are protecting a senior citizen from someone trying to take advantage of her. Just as I promised I’d do to my dfil.

It might have been different if she had been dealing honestly with us this last year plus time, but she hasn’t. So why should we jump to her command at this point? Who died and made her God?”

LOL!

But my response is: Ah, but you see the legal notification we sent all three siblings said “In writing via US MAIL.” Texting is not US MAIL. I saw this coming and knew she’d try to get around to providing any info what so ever on this. Sharon this is the same sil I discussed the funeral arrangement problems with back 15 months or so ago off list.
I’d love to see the house, the loan papers, WHOSE name is on the title etc. But you know that is never going to happen because it’s all a big scam.
As for dmil, yep, we will be checking on her even more often and despite what sil says we will see her alone any time we want—long story on that one. Let’s just say she’s posted to the world we are not to be trusted and will not be left alone with dmil.

I’m coming late to this bonfire

and dang this really has blown up on you. My sincere condolences. I know you’ll find your way through this and that you’ll keep your DMIL safe and sound and protected. I also have a sneaky suspicion that SIL is about to crash and burn. S’mores, anyone? Do what you have to do, with your standard skill and savvy, and you’ll come out on top. I look forward to the eventual email that SIL is D-O-N-E.
Kimberly J. Horn, still fighting her own battles today.

Dh just called

He got a text from a blocked number stating MOM has bought a house Call (broker’s name) and close the account. Call when you have the check and I’ll pick it up.

No will you, not from his mother, just the order. It wasn’t even signed. It could have been from anyone. And how the heck are we suppose to call. We have no phone number. This woman has a brass set for certain. He is not responding. The official notification she received seven times in the past is all financial requests must be submitted in writing.

We have no proof even that Mom is still alive. Dh is sending me a copy of the text for our files.

Our pharmacist has been a lot of help in finding ways to reduce costs

including finding cards that pay for individual meds like you’re writing about or whatever else it took. If you are a regular at your drug store, your pharmacist may be able to help you. I am not sure if the help we received was due to patronizing a local pharmacy or not? They do know us by sight and name at our drug store, which is why I am staying at my locally owned and run drug store. 😀

Prescription Sites?

Due to changes in our healthcare insurance, I am shopping for lowest cost for a reoccurring Rx. Any tips? I just paid $288 and am hoping to get if for less next time! Wondering if there are any good online sites or comparison sites?

Thank you!

Last week was a very physical week here

with lots of hay/feed moving and equipment wrestling and hog wrangling and other on-the-farm livestock sports that make me look forward to down time. But desk time was also had, with a lot of time put into creating a break-even spreadsheet for the garden area. Oddly enough, that particular spreadsheet is turning out to be one of our biggest, in terms of the types of inputs which can potentially go into any one planting bed, any one year. Thing is turning into a monster. But I have slated today and tomorrow to be “easy days” where I can get enough desk time to finish that particular project, after which point I’ll post it for all you folks who want to figure out how much your home-grown tomatoes are going to cost you this year. PS – Jan, once again your household and ours are working in parallel. We decided this year to limit our gardening work to crop types we know have succeeded in the past, and even then we’re going to limit our growing goals. Instead, we’re going to focus on bed renovation and getting all the stored compost out there. That’ll make for some very happy earthworms and perhaps a faster startup next year.

We are doing something new with the household and farm budgets for March. After a lot of discussion we’ve come to the conclusion that the method we’re currently using of allocating our various sources of income, needs to change. We’re equally unhappy with how money comes in, is deposited in this or that account, how it is transferred back and forth and ultimately where it “lives”. A lot of excess movement there, and each of those movements is one more darn thing we have to keep track of. So part of my tasks this week will be to brainstorm different ways to allocate funds. I’m not talking about changing $$$ amounts to each of the categories, per se. But rather which account(s) are used for various income, working money and savings. DH is very suspicious of automated withdrawals and transfers, and I guess I can’t blame him after my experience with Chase. But we need more efficient money movement because our current approach has become a weekly, time consuming chore. I’m not sure how that’ll go but we’re going to brainstorm different ideas and come up with something new between now and March. We’ll see how that works out.

Also, this coming weekend we’re going to attend a farm finances conference in our area, which should be interesting. Keeping in mind that the American agriculture community as a whole has become woefully dependent on credit, we may go to this conference and hear nothing but “borrow borrow borrow” for eight hours. In which case we’ll just quietly come home and think to ourselves we still prefer DR. What I’m hoping for instead, will be some discussion of how to manage things like cash flow and working capital and when is an expense really an investment, and how to proactively plan for those such that finances become another tool in the toolbox, rather than a dreaded topic that drags us around by the collar. Not sure what to expect from that conference, but it’ll be interesting from the small business end of things. I promise not to come home with a new line of credit from the Farm Bureau. If I am somehow bewitched into getting one, y’all have my permission and invitation to come up here and flog me good.

Sounds like a lot of fun

We may try out camping with the youngins this summer. Ohio state parks have some rent a camp tents & bare cabins we’ll try b4 buying the tents an such. If the kids …..or I hate it, I’d rather not invest a ton in equipment.

With all the camping you are planning on doing you might want to look at the national parks pass

For your family it would cut the camping at all national parks, some state parks and most corps of engineer parks to half price. Since your dh is a vet and disabled you should be able to get the pass for your entire family at a fairly cheap price. Besides the camping it makes going into national parks free for however many are in your vehicle up to a certain price and kids under a certain age are free anyway. So your whole family should be covered.
We generally camp stay at corps of engineer campgrounds while we are traveling. If you find all of the above are full then check for discounts such as AAA, Veterans/Military, your auto insurance company, and for folks on disability at all the commercial campgrounds. Also check to see if they have stay so many days and so many are free. Many campgrounds have that unadvertised special.
Then there are always the campground special’s Good Sam’s—the camping company not the big box store, Sam’s Club, Cosco probably has discounts too, KOA, Woodalls, Campersworld (maybe camping world I forget which), Coast to Coast, Campgrounds of America. These all generally charge a fee to purchase the card initially, but then you get so much off per night and so many nights free after so many. I’d comparison shop.

Сamping

I know this has been answered but , I can’t remember the answer. We bought two huge tents on clearance for $143 shipped. We rescheduled Dave to memorial weekend so we could camp to save on hotel money. We are planning to camp at Disney and again at my friend’s house on the river. We also camp at the creek here too during the summer.We figured buying good camping equipment would save us a lot on hotels and be fun for the kiddos. My question is where was it you found cheap campsites ? A bunch of the places in TN over memorial day are as high a hotel. Not to mention they are tacking a $4 a extra person charge and a extra tent fee. We have 5 extra people and two tents. It is seriously higher to camp in TN than at Disney! Dave needs to move to Florida. LOL