“The best solution for me, to lessen the emotional impact, is to let my husband take full responsibility for our finances. I really just disconnect myself from the problem and let him deal with it. He deposits money in my checking account each week for groceries, medicine, and other expenses. I check the balance every morning with Quicken and use my debit card for almost all transactions. I don’t carry a credit card. This system lowers my stress level considerably.”
This solutions works for all who have someone that they trust to take responsibility for the finances. When using this system it is a good idea to make sure that you agree with your partner to discuss any major financial decisions. It is also a good idea to occasionally review all checking, savings, investments, and credit card bills so that you understand and agree with the decisions your partner makes. It is important that you have input to how your money is being spent as well as knowing why your partner sets spending limits.
Budget Planning (payday loans)
By using programs such as Microsoft Money or Quicken you will be able to track your cash flow. The reason why I have not focused on cash flow is that I budget on a payroll to payroll level. By doing it this way I always plan on having a positive cash flow. However it is important to plan for times when you current expenses exceed your current income. If your expenses exceed your current income and it is not due to unplanned expenses (hospital bill, auto repair, etc.), you are not living within your means and you need to rethink how you spend your money and learn more about payday loans. If unplanned expenses are causing your cash flow deficit you have two main ways of dealing with that. The most preferable way is to use your emergency savings to pay for unplanned expense. The other way is to use your credit card responsibly to pay for these expenses. This means before using you credit card you should budget for how you are going to pay off this expense within a few months.
Purchasing a Car
Purchasing a car is a major financial decision that will have an major impact on your finances for years to come. This can be a dangerous decision for Adults with ADD who like to make impulsive decisions and can be overwhelmed by figures and paperwork. If you are using a budget this is where it can come in handy. When trying to figure out what kind of car you should buy you will need to factor in how much gas, insurance, monthly payments, and maintenance will fit into your budget. One thing to watch out for is auto dealers who want to stretch out your payments of 5 or 6 years in order to fit in your budget. While this might fit into your immediate budget it can cause long term losses, because you will be paying more interest on the loan, and by the time you pay of the loan you will need to buy another car. If you can make your car last longer than your loan then you will have that loan payment to save, pay-down credit card debt, or save for items that you really want. Here are a couple of good web sites dealing with the auto buying decision:…
checking on her sil would never be suspect of reporting back to us, but now if they move… or have moved I’ve not had a report on dmil’s physical condition in aobut two weeks. I need to contact my ‘snitch” and have him check on her. We may have to go the legal route if we lose that contact. So far she seems to be doing no physical harm to dmil. If she ever did I’d have the law there faster than you can say COPS! But she’s smarter than that. She doesn’t want to “kill the golden goose” so to speak. …
You have no idea how devious this sil is. I’ve been dealing with her for 40 years and it’s been a headache about that long, but it’s been getting worse lately.
The only one in all this that is important is dmil. She MUST be protected and taken care of. Bless her heart I bet she’s not even aware all this is going on. Why else would sil refuse to put her on the phone with the broker this morning?…
I’ve been gathering evidence against her for 18 months and am getting a pretty large stack. Dh wants to talk to his mother and makes certain she is physically ok, but we aren’t even certain where they are living now. Right now we are waiting for her to make her next move. Legally she can’t touch the money. If she does then she’ll find out real quick that those bright orange jumpsuits don’t look good with her dyed red hair. …
1) When she is there and dmil is asked a question, she won’t answer until she looks to sil to get a clue as to how to answer. We need to know what dmil truly wants/needs.
2) Sil is the type of person who will take anything you say and twist it into an unrecognizable lie and then spread it as far as the internet travels. We will not give her any ammo to use against us.
So for all you folks who are thinking about helping out a family member financially, re-read this and know “no good deed goes unpunished” and this saga could easily be yours, because we, like you, never dreamed that taking care of family would end up in such a mess. We took care of dmil out of love, we are respecting her wishes out of love and we will continue to protect her future to the best of our ability for the same reason.
It’s still snowing heavily over 2 ½ hours later, and the day rolls on. With all the snow being so big and wet we’ll have dead trees hitting the ground today I am certain. There is nothing to do but let it happen. Hopefully they’ll do no harm when they fall.
Hopefully sil will give up her efforts to steal the money, just this once. –doubtful.
Hopefully the snowplows will be successful and the guys will be able to get home easily. In the meantime, I’m going to make me a cup of hot chai and get about the business of daily chores.…
with the over $10,000 spent by sil in 3 weeks on a charge card that I had closed and she re-opened in dmil’s name—don’t’ ask how we know this, but we have the documented proof of it. Dmil cannot be legally signing any paperwork due to her mental problems and sil knows this too. But she’s doing all she can as fast as she can before dmil dies. Including cashing out a life insurance policy last year that was purchased in 1992 without dh’s knowledge by his parents that was payable to dh. We were later told about it and dh and I made the premium payments on it for the 13 years after dfil died to use it as part of dmil’s burial money. It is now gone, they (sil and her daughter) used a POA to illegally cash it, dmil did not request the cancellation and I only found out when they didn’t autodraft our account for the premium. The check was not even made out to dmil, it was made out to my niece. It seems she has the POA because sil cannot legally qualify for one. Which makes us wonder which of them is actually dmil’s rep payee.
We have not, as yet heard a word from dh’s youngest sister, she will try every way possible to get that money without letting us know she’s trying first. That is how she works, she sneaks around, lies and tries every thing she can other than just be honest. Then it will be a text—“call me about Mom.” She never calls, she always texts and demands the other person call her so she can be “in charge.” Which unless she includes a phone number we can’t do because she changed her phone number to keep dh and dbil from talking to their mother in Nov 2011. A text will not be responded to because we know what the subject will be about and because of what we did when this all started getting so bad.
In Nov 2011 we sent a series of certified letters to all three siblings and each letter stated a couple of things 1) All communications involving dmil’s finances were to be submitted in writing via US Mail to dh 2) That we would no longer be paying any debt incurred by dmil or sil. Each of the siblings signed for the letters themselves. They were legally notified, as were all of dmil’s creditors at that point. We were never legally responsible for her debts because we never signed on any of them—the one smart thing we did do in this whole mess, but we sent the letters to the creditors just in case. So glad we did.
So when, if the sil contacts us it must be in writing, and we will not respond to any other form of communication. This is for both my mil’s and our protection. And before you ask, yes we do have a lawyer and we will use him if the need arises. Dh will respond that he wants to speak with his mother alone. Something sil has refused to let him do since her last sneak attack 18 months ago. He will likely ask his brother to be present too. I know I’ll be there.…
to my mil and she told him point blank that dh was the only name she wanted on the account because he was the only one of her children who had never taken money from her even when they(her and dfil) offered it. That in fact she owed him heavily for spending his hazardous duty pay he sent home from Viet Nam instead of putting it in the savings for his Jaguar like he had requested. Plus thanks to him paying her for the truck and trailer he was suppose inherit out right she had been able to just barely stay afloat while waiting for the sale of her home. That dh had always taken care of her and his father. She trusted dh to continue to do so until her death, she could not say that for her other three children.
The broker explained that if she did it the way she was requesting that she would have to have dh’s permission to withdraw money from the account. She said that was fine because she knew that he would let her only withdraw it in case of a true emergency and that was what she wanted. He also told her that at her death any money in the account would automatically go directly to dh and none of the other kids would receive a single penny of it. She said again that was what she wanted. He went through each of the other three kids, grand kids, and great grand kids and asked her point blank if she wanted each one to have any of the money. She said no. When he got to the youngest she was very firm in her no and added “No she’s bled me dry all her life, it’s time she stood on her own two feet.” This is the sil that tried to go behind everyone’s back (again) today.
Dmil is right, dh and I will make sure that if she has a true emergency she would be taken care of, but buying the sil a house is NOT an emergency. In fact it could make life so complicated for all of us when dmil, who is 85, passed because it would put us all in probate court ( the joint tenancy will not because it is with right of survivorship) and that would be a long drawn out expensive process . Considering this sil has had two trailer houses repoed, along with numerous cars, and has filed bankruptcy more than once. they would have to be using the excellent credit rating dh and I have worked so hard to establish for dmil over the last six years to get the house. Even at that they will probably need the insurance that starts with a p (PMI I think). If dmil’s name is on any real property when she dies then the estate would have to be probated and that could get very expensive. Dh and I had worked to get all real property out of dmil’s name a long time ago to avoid this. Sil KNOWS this because we set her down and explained it to her in detail when she wanted to do this in the summer of 2010 and we said no. I have handled 7 estates, I KNOW how expensive this can be.…
He got off the phone with her he called me and told me that the event we had figured was coming sooner or later had just happened and asked if we knew she was going to call. I told him we did not that we’d had not one word from them since November 5, 2011. Which is the truth.
He then asked if we knew they were buying a house. I told him no, but it explained the recent high dollar credit card activity under dmil’s name. That we had in fact refused in the summer of 2010 to let the sil have the money to purchase a house because of several legal problems it would create. He asked me then if dh would give his permission for the account to be closed. I replied no that the money was, as he already knew, for a true emergency for dmil and buying sil a house was NOT an emergency. He said that’s what he thought and made note in the file that the stocks, mutual funds and bonds were NOT to be sold until he received both a telephone call and verification in writing from dh that he had agreed to it.
Background on this money. My dfil died in January 1999, leaving my dmil with a small life insurance policy that barely buried him and a huge mountain of cc debit (they each had two wallets full of maxed out cc and none of them were the same account). Their trailer house and land was heavily mortgaged and dmil was unable to afford the utilities and upkeep on it because she would no longer have dfil paycheck (he was still working at age 77) and his social security check. She sold it that summer.
Upon the recommendation of 3 of the 4 kids (guess who fought us every inch of the way) dmil put what was leftover of the sale into the brokerage account. At that time the broker told her she could put whoever she wanted on the account in whatever manner she wanted—I was there, but dh was not. The other three kids were knowledgeable that we were going to the broker, but couldn’t be bothered to go along. …
we knew that we were on the outer band of the big winter front that would be moving through last night and we could get one of four things 1) Rain, 2) Sleet, 3) Snow or my preferred 4) nothing at all.
At 6:00 am nothing had fallen so we thought we’d got option #4—YES! I went back to bed and the guys went off to work—after discovering one of our old cats had been accidentally left outdoors all night—we all thought that 4 pound calico was in the house. Luckily Liz is OK but her little hooded brow is really angry with us—It was below freezing last night. Hopefully she slept in the heated sunroom with the dogs, she comes and goes via the doggie door out there all the time.
At 8:15 am my phone rang, as I opened my eyes I looked out the bedroom window to see near blizzard conditions—option #3 had hit, but that is still better than sleet/ice.
I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID and thinking it was a mystery shopping company calling to beg me to do a last minute shop—the answer would have been a definite NO– I answered the phone.
It was our broker, and the news was not good, but it was something we’ve been expecting for a long time. THE sil had contacted him at 8:00 am—when she thought they had just opened and identified herself to the broker then demanded he sell everything in the joint tenancy account between my dmil and my dh. She informed him that they were buying a house and that dmil was giving her the nearly $14,000 in the account. He let her babble on a bit and then answered with one word “NO.”
He said she got angry—this sil doesn’t take that word well at all—and told him it was her mother’s money and she could do what she wanted with it. Bless the broker’s heart he let her go on a bit (he’d been warned this call would come some day, we didn’t know it would be for a house we just knew that sil’s greed would take her to attempt the theft at some point and was prepared). Once she got through venting he told her that he didn’t care what type of paperwork sil claimed she had she did not have any rights where this account was concerned and that without him speaking to both dmil and dh directly not a penny was leaving that account. She amazingly enough would not put dmil on the phone. Further proof she is going behind everyone’s back. He told her to have dmil contact dh and then if the two of them agreed to it then the transaction would take place once he had been legally notified by both parties both by phone and by written confirmation, but not before then. He said she hung up quite pissed off.…